“Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.” – John Lennon

*****

I didn’t actually choose to become a writer. It chose me. It wasn’t my idea, honest. It just happened.

I don’t even like writing. I’d much rather be working with my hands… building things… fixing things. In high school I wanted to be a mechanic or a machinist. I wanted to build racing cars and hot rods. I wanted be an engineer and design fuel-injection systems and exotic sports cars.

Back then if you’d told me that someday I’d become a writer… I probably would’ve just hung myself… at the very least I might have prepared.

*****

Everything I hated in school… every subject that I did poorly in… has turned out to play a major role in how I earn a living.

I hated English class and all my English teachers hated me. I’m not joking. Even if I tried to do a good job, they would rip it to shreds. I’ve never heard one positive word of encouragement come out of the mouth of an English teacher. (I’m pretty sure it was all their fault.)

If I had a writing assignment, I would turn in one paragraph. My teachers all thought I was just lazy. I never told anyone that — even to this day — I get a severe pain in my hand at the base of my thumb if I have to write more than a paragraph. I guess it’s what they call writer’s cramp. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. All I know is I became very adept at condensing everything down to one paragraph.

*****

In seventh grade they tried to teach us to type. I managed to pass the class somehow, but I refused to learn to type. Typing was for girls. I wasn’t going to become a secretary. I was going to build hot rods for Pete’s sake.

I managed to make it through high school and college without learning to type. I always found some girl to type my papers for me. It was stupid I know. Looking back I would have done things differently.

It wasn’t until I was 25 that I taught myself to type. One day it just dawned on me that I didn’t have to endure this pain in my hand every time I needed to write something down… all I had to do was push a button.

Just push a button! It was brilliant! Why had I never thought of it before!

I kicked myself and then kicked myself again and kept kicking myself all the way down to the store where I bought a reconditioned IBM Selectric typewriter, brought it home and proceeded to teach myself how to type. It took all of two days.

Two days… and it changed my life forever.

You hear people like Dr. Phil talk about what they call “defining moments?” Well, learning to type was a defining moment in my life. Now if I could just find something to use for a noose.

************

Woke up at 3:00 am this morning. Cat decided we were burning moonlight and should get up. Negotiation ensued… she won.

Fed the little fur ball and then booted up the ‘puter. Decided to try fixing a few of the many things wrong with it.

*****

I can’t leave it on overnight because it locks up when my anti-virus program does its scheduled 24-hour scan. Thing also locks up every Monday afternoon for some strange reason. Once it locks up, it will continue to lock up every time it’s left idle for more than a few and the only fix is to use the Windows Restore to roll it back to a previous date. This usually takes two tries for reasons known only to God.

Decided to completely delete latest version of Firefox because it hasn’t worked right since last upgrade. Always opens multiple tabs. Won’t let you close them. Lost all my bookmarks and extensions. Only quick solution seems to be start all over with a fresh install.

After deleting Firefox and a couple of other programs I don’t use anymore, I decided I should go for broke and try to repair Windows while I’m at it. Of course I know with every ounce of my being that I’m flirting with disaster.

But then, it would sure be nice to have a clean working installation instead of continually hobbling along with semi-crippled machine.

*****

Spent rest of morning trying to figure out how to fix it. It’s still not fixed. Probably will never be fixed.

Decided to stop and have breakfast at 5:00.

After breakfast I decided to go back to bed for a wee bit. Three hours of sleep just doesn’t work to well for me. Woke up about 9:00. Answered my email and took care of some other paperwork. Had lunch at 12:00 noon. Decided I better go to the grocery store if I expected to eat again.

Hoped in the shower to scrap off the top layer. Decided to change into the same babe-magnet ensemble I always wear… old gray tee shirt and faded shorts. Drove self to store with windows down so hair could dry in my signature insane-homeless-guy look.

It was a windy day, so between the car and the store I managed to maintain my carefree appearance.

*****

Upon entering the store, I’m immediately smitten by Lovely Blonde Angel. Our eyes meet ever so briefly then quickly we look away. Was there something there? Was it just my imagination? We proceed on our way as though neither had really noticed.

I resist the temptation to follow Lovely Blonde Angel like a lost puppy. After all, I’m there to get groceries. I’m on a mission. So as usual, I head towards the produce section where I picked up peaches and red seedless grapes, cantaloupe and watermelon, all on sale. Bananas have gone up 4 cents.

I look up from by bargain hunting and there’s Lovely Blonde Angle just a few feet away in the bakery. Her back is to me so I risk a second look. She’s wearing very cute Capri cut jeans. Her golden hair is just kissing her shoulders. I pretend that I don’t notice.

I head for the meat section to pick up some hamburger. Just as I’m turning there’s Lovely Blonde Angel pushing her cart alongside mine. My heart leaps even though I know it is but a chance encounter. It means nothing. She doesn’t even know I exist. I continue to pretend that I don’t notice her, as well.

Carefully, as she pulls ahead, I glance her direction and notice she’s wearing a layered top… a combination of a blue over white. She is exquisite. Her complexion is like peaches and cream. Her face could only exist in a dream. Her hair is like spun gold.

She is, after all, Lovely Blonde Angel.

She turns to make a selection and I push on towards the dairy aisle. Should I speak to her? Should I try to trip her? Where’s an inkwell when you need one?

I broke down and bought a gallon of milk. Wasn’t going to buy milk. Didn’t buy it the last time… not at nearly four dollars a gallon. But they said on the news that the price was going up again, so I couldn’t resist checking to see how much it was. Noticed it hadn’t gone up yet, so decided to pick up a gallon of 2%. It might be the last milk I buy for awhile, so might as well get it while it’s only $3.83 a gallon.

I turn to look, but Lovely Blonde Angel has disappeared. I smile inwardly. I knew she wasn’t following me. I never really thought she was. That would be silly. That would never happen. I’m invisible to someone like her. I’m not one that girls ever notice.

And yet a small part of me is disappointed. A small part of me would like to be that guy just once.

I head back towards the front of the store, stopping again in the produce section to pick up two pints of Michigan blueberries and some strawberries to go with the milk.

As I’m heading for the checkout counter my heart skips. Here comes Lovely Blonde Angel in my direction. I play it cool. I maintain my composure. I know it’s just another coincidence. I select a checkout line. She gets in line one aisle over. Her back is to me. She’s looking at the magazines. There’s one person ahead of her. There’s one person ahead of me.

I unload my cart. The conveyor is moving. I glance in her direction and our eyes meet again. She looks away. Was there a smile?

It’s my turn to check out. I make small talk with the cashier. I pay. I place my bags in the cart. I turn and look. She’s gone.

************

Well, it’s Back-to-School time and you know what that means. Summer vacation is over and all the little kiddos (and Medical Students) are headed back to the grind.

With that theme in mind, Med-Source has assembled an educational and entertaining assortment of school-related posts for this week’s Grand Rounds.

But don’t let the theme fool you; you’re going to want to check this edition out even if you aren’t headed back to class.

Battle stations! Battle stations!

Bronze Dog has assembled an unparalleled fighting force of hi-tech mech warriors fully equipped to take on even the most zealous opponent in this latest edition of The Skeptic’s Circle.

They may have us out-numbered… but we have them out-gunned. Magical thinking, fantasy and illusion cannot stand against science, logic and reason. They can try. But they will fail.

Let me repeat; they will fail.

We have been assigned to serve as backbone of this unit and serve we will. It is our responsibility to see that no altie woo goes unchallenged. We will protect our flanks. We will remain vigilant. We will persevere. And, we will overcome.

You have your assignment.

************

I can’t spell.

And even if I could spell… I don’t know what half the words mean… and don’t even get me started on punctuation or sentence structure.

I know you know. You don’t have to be polite. You don’t have to look surprised. You don’t have to act like you didn’t notice.

I’m okay with it.

Oh sure, I might laugh and pretend like I just didn’t notice the “typo.” But they’re not typos. Not really.

*****

So there it is, boys and girls. It cannot be denied. If it weren’t for Spell Check, my literature would be literally littered with the illiterate leavings of a literary loser.

Fortunately, Dr. Dino has been working tirelessly to correct the deficiencies in my dismal education. And, needless to say, he has his work cut out for him.

For you see, I was a victim of both the public school system and that twofold learning disability common to young boys. (And yes, you guessed correctly.) When I wasn’t mooning over the little red-haired girl in the front row… I was gazing out the window dreaming of recess.

Consequently, I don’t know the difference between stuff I don’t even know the names of.

*****

Anyhoo… for this week’s lesson, Dr. Dino has chosen to illustrate (to my ultimate shame and humiliation) the difference between complimentary medicine and complementary medicine. And sure, he didn’t come right out and say I was the guilty party… he’s too kind for that.

But we all know it was I.

Somewhere… at sometime… I mixed up the two and once again unwittingly revealed my ignorance to the entire world.

So, if you need me, I’m the one in the corner wearing the dunce cap. (And yes, I’m still mooning over the little red-haired girl and dreaming of recess.)

-Dean

*****

Update: Two more great articles on Complementary Alternative Medicine (CAM) by Dr. Dino:

The Real Issue With CAM, August 9th, 2007

More on “CAM”, August 10th, 2007

**************

Cathy is moving. Not her blog, dummy… her physical address in the real world. (You remember the real world, right?) I wish I was moving, but that’s a story for another time. Update: Cathy had to move during heavy rains and a tornado! Didn’t mention any flying cows, but the grandfather clock will never be the same.

*****

Next, Sandy Szwarc cuts through all the hype and gives us some food for thought about health, nutrition and common sense on her blog, Junk Food Science.

In her post, Magical fruits and vegetables: Does “healthy eating” improve breast cancer outcomes? Sandy wrote:

Sadly, our culture loves to blame victims of illnesses for failing to follow virtuous diets and lifestyles, and many victims feel guilty when a health problem befalls them, believing they are at fault for failing to do something right. The blame game is mostly based on pop science. Time and again what seems intuitively correct, looks promising in the laboratory, or appears right in observational studies, doesn’t prove to be true when it’s actually tested in a well-designed clinical trial on real people.

[snip]

As we’ve often seen, the quality of research is often inversely proportional to its media attention. When a well-conducted study reaches a null finding and counters popular wisdom, the media is sure to downplay it, spin it, or try to raise doubts about its conclusions in the mind of the public.

I’m telling you this gal has some important information for health conscious consumers. So join Sandy as she explores more about diet and nutrition and shares some ideas you may not have heard before.

*****

I know it’s August. But just in case you haven’t had enough firecracker stories yet… here’s one from Reflections by Dr. Bruce Campbell that lends new meaning to the phrase, “Taking one in the shorts.”

He took a match, lit the paper, and decided which direction he wanted to aim the blast, steadying the pipe BETWEEN HIS LEGS! The firecrackers, obeying the laws of physics, sent hot gas, smoke, and flaming debris out both ends of the pipe simultaneously.

Am I the only one who thinks this post is hilarious?

*****

The latest Change of Shift is up at Emergiblog with a new blue logo and a fine line-up of posts for your viewing pleasure. And (drum roll please) Kim also has a nifty new interview posted on “Blog Interview” that I found full of interesting behind-the-scenes type info about how and why she blogs… along with some helpful tips on how to promote your blog. (Like sharing the link love. After all, that’s what it’s all about, am I right?)

Btw, while you’re there be sure to vote Kim’s blog a thumbs-up. Some meany gave her a thumbs down and if I ever find out who it was…

*****

Next you need to visit the Grand Rounds Beach House hosted by the lovely Hsien-Hsien Lei (don’t ask me how to pronounce that) of EyeonDNA fame. It’s a blog party… so kick back and enjoy a cool beverage, the fine conversation and the food for thought.

*****

Now for some Old Business

I blew it last week… I wrote a blurb for last week’s carnivals and then forgot to post it… a thousand pardons… I may blog about the why in some upcoming posts… but hey, it’s never too late to enjoy a carnival. So with that said, if you haven’t found enough to read yet grab a corndog and a snow cone and head on over to Musings of a Highly Trained Monkey where you can still catch last week’s Change of Shift with it’s kaleidoscope of colorful entries.

*****

Then be sure to stop by Grand Rounds 3:45 at Health Business Blog. David was just getting back from Singapore where he’s been doing research for a new medical tourism/travel website and yet he still managed to put together another fine line-up of health and medical bloggers. Btw, he’s looking for contributors for that new site, so let him know if you’d like to write a post or two.

***************

If you have something you’d like to have included in the next edition of Writer’s Block just drop me an email with a brief description and a link to your shiny new post and I’ll try to work it in.
(My email address is in the footer.)

Thanks,
Dean

***************

I received a very interesting email from an acupuncturist a while back.

She related the usual anecdotal stories (including the one about major surgery being performed with only one needle in the ear for anesthesia) and then offered the following as the main point she wanted to get across:

“… having practiced acupuncture for 20 years … I know without a shred of doubt that acupuncture most certainly releases endorphins to relieve pain.”

All of which made for interesting reading, but unfortunately, did not even come close to changing my opinion about alternative medicine.

The reason her letter didn’t change my opinion is not because I’m just stubborn… or arrogant… or biased… or ignoring the facts… or (and this is my personal favorite) because I have “an unhealthy hatred for alternative medicine.”

No, all of those little gems are so silly… they’re not even worth addressing.

The simple fact is the reason I did not accept her argument is that it just wasn’t good enough. All she had managed to do was tell me that she’d fallen for the hook.

Every Hit Song Has to Have a Hook

It’s a well-known fact in the music industry that for a song to be popular, it has to have what we musicians refer to as “a hook.”

The hook is that memorable line from the chorus that keeps repeating over and over again in your head. It’s what makes the song instantly recognizable and tugs at your heart when you hear it on the radio.

• It’s Tammy Wynette singing, “Stand by your man…”
• It’s Paul McCartney singing, “Yesterday… ”
• It’s Roy Orbison singing, “Pretty woman…”

Clever songwriters know it’s the hook that makes you remember the song and gets you to buy the CD.

Without a hook, the song will not make a lasting impression on your mind. You will not be impressed and… you’ll not only forget it quickly… you probably won’t even like it in the first place.

How Does This Apply to Alternative Medicine?

I’ve also noticed that the really successful alternative therapies also have a hook. In this case, it’s that one thing they can point to and say, “See… it works!”

The hook is usually a memorable sensation or amazing result that just sticks in your mind and makes you think, “Hey, it did something!”

You’re not really sure what… but it definitely did something… and that something is where the deception gets a hold of you. It’s what gets you to come back and buy the song-and-dance.

If the treatment didn’t do anything, there would be no basis to support the illusion. Without the hook, the therapy would never get off the ground. It would die out before it ever got started.

Some Example Hooks

Snake oil I’m told, was quite often just grain alcohol (Moonshine) or some other form of opiate.

With chiropractic, the hook is usually that satisfying popping sound and the brief pleasant sensation, which I’ve discussed in my articles on that subject.

With acupuncture that “something” is endorphins.

Now there is very little question that science has been able to observe an increase of endorphins in patients being treated with acupuncture. How this is accomplished (whether physically or psychologically) has not been clearly established. [1]

It’s worthwhile to note that the same results are obtainable with electrical stimulation, heat and even just pressure. [2]

This does not mean that acupuncture is a legitimate medical profession. It just means it does something… and that something appears to help relieve pain for some people.

Endorphins Don’t Cure Disease

Just because acupuncture can stimulate endorphins does not mean it can cure disease, heal an injury, or bring about world peace. It just means it does something.

Endorphins are natural chemicals produced in the brain that affect how you feel.

The fact that acupuncture causes an increase in these chemicals does not throw open the doors or grant permission to make wild exaggerated claims of miracle cures.

Endorphins can’t correct an underlying physical problem. There is no evidence that they can cure any known disease or have any effect on things like germs or viral infections.

Treating everything with endorphins would be tantamount to a medical doctor treating every patient with Valium. That would not be proper medical care… that would just be plain irresponsible.

It’s what a sane person would call quackery.

The Danger of Jumping to Conclusions

The problem with virtually all of the so-called alternative medical professions is that they ignore sound scientific principles. They base their conclusions on personal observations and assumptions about what those observations mean. In scientific terms… they rely entirely on anecdotal evidence.

In my vernacular, they’ve simply fallen for the hook.

The problem with acupuncture, chiropractic and any other alternative isn’t that it doesn’t do something. The problems begin when they start to translate that “something” into miracle cures for every known disease from cancer to whooping cough to HIV.

The problems are compounded when they try to build an entire medical profession around just one trick. And the real danger begins when people get so caught up in believing the hook that they turn to it instead of effective medical intervention.

This simply delays the patient from receiving proper medical care… and in some cases… has been known to result in death.

Don’t Let the Hook Trick You into Believing Nonsense

“Hey, I feel great… everything they say must be true!”

Wrong. The one does not equal the other. Just because they’ve discovered a clever trick that seems to do something… does not mean that everything they say is true.

For example, it has been observed that acupuncturists generally tend to diagnose everyone with the same unscientific maladies. These typically include such things as energy stagnation, qi stagnation… and my personal favorite… blood stagnation. [2]

Now I don’t have any formal medical training (and you doctors can correct me if I’m wrong) but I believe if you had blood stagnation… you would be dead.

So be wary when these practitioners start using nice sounding but obscure concepts for which no clear medical definition really exists.

When they start talking about such things as yin and yang, harmony, balance and energy fields that only they can detect… you can sit and listen if you like… but I’m gonna be late for the door.

Learn to Spot the Hooks

Hooks can be very seductive.

There’s no question that the right hook can turn a mediocre song into a hit single.

The same can be said for the hooks in alternative medicine.

Hooks make wonderful placebos. So wonderful, in fact, that even the practitioners are fooled by the results.

*****

References:

1. A Different Way To Heal - Scientific American Frontiers w/ Allan Alda

2. Be Wary of Acupuncture, Qigong, and “Chinese Medicine” - Stephen Barrett, M.D.

3. Why Bogus Therapies Often Seem to Work - Barry L. Beyerstein, Ph.D.

**************

Technorati Profile